Car Talk

Someone once told me that Fiat stands for "Fix It Again, Tony." They weren't kidding. In the three and a half years that I've owned a 1999 Fiat Siena, I have taken it to the mechanic no less than a dozen times. And it doesn't even have 60,000 km on the odometer yet!

The greatest recurring problem is that when you push the accelerator down, the car continues idling for some seconds (bringing a chorus of horns if you happen to be caught sitting still at a green light). Finally, it decides "OK, I guess I've rested enough" and then jumps forward at full power. This process repeats each time you shift gears. Fun stuff. Of course, it doesn't do this all the time -- when at the mechanic's shop, it runs perfectly, for example. If you've never experienced someone looking at you as if you are a babbling maniac, try explaining to a mechanic the problem you are having with a car that appears to be running flawlessly. For added fun, try it in a different language. I'm sure this guy is hearing something like: "car no go - go weak when push pedal - work good now but work bad before." Just smile and nod at the weird foreign guy... yesiree.

As per the universal mechanic's code, even though no problem can be demonstrated at the time, this is no reason not to make expensive repairs which utterly fail to resolve said problem. Invariably, about 2-3 weeks afterwards, same problem. First, I had the fuel injector cleaned. This worked great for a month, and then the problem returned. After another halting attempt to explain what was going on, I was told that this didn't have anything to do with the problem, and that I needed to change the sparkplugs. That also resolved the problem for about 3 weeks. This lead to a replacement of the fuel pump, followed by another replacement of the fuel pump because the wrong model had been installed. This was followed by the replacement of the mechanic.

New mechanic? Same drill. I was now tald I had to change a part called the "sonda lambda" - which must be part of Doc Brown's flux capacitor, because I still have no clue what it is or what it supposedly does. However, it did fix the problem... for about a week and a half. Then, the most drastic of all. Disassembling the engine, replacing gaskets and hoses, chemical baths, polishing down bare metal to eliminate water leaks, and native American healing ceremonies for all I know. Success!!! Beautifully smooth acceleration...for about 2 weeks. If I had flushed $2,000 down the toilet over the past 18 months, the results would have been pretty much the same as this "service."

Anyway, the only possible conclusion is that the car is possessed. The only question now is whether to begin flushing with singles or just go straight to twenties.

Satan's Sedan...?